


Drawfee Bedtime Stories

by AnnabethBlack



Category: Drawfee RPF
Genre: Bed time stories, Innuendo, Rhyme, We're sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12109281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnabethBlack/pseuds/AnnabethBlack
Summary: Hey kids, wassup? It’s your best boy Jake Young,here to bring Drawfee some storytime fun.So sit down young listeners and hold on to your seatsas you're in for some wonderful fantastical treats!





	1. Welcome to Drawfee

Hey kids, wassup? It’s your best boy Jake Young,  
Here to bring Drawfee some storytime fun.  
So sit down young listeners and hold on to your seats  
As you're in for some wonderful fantastical treats!

Let’s start with our cast for those who don’t know.  
It’s Caldwell and Nathan who run this shit show.  
Then regulars Jacob and Julia too,  
And sometimes that scamp we call Willie - it’s true.

We also have Justin or JHall on twitter  
But many fans think our boy Tony is fitter (not me).  
We used to have beautiful sunsets by Andy  
But he went to make Elf and Warrior, I have the link handy.

Tristan sometimes shows up with garfield in tow,  
But it is rare that he is with us on our comical show.  
Of course then there’s me, the most distant of nerds.  
In early drawfee eps from the background I’m heard.

“But what is a drawfee?” I hear some of you say.  
Well I’ll try to explain in the simplest way:  
It’s an art show where we take dumb ideas  
And make dumber drawings - or so it appears.

We have series like Drawga and Wiki Roulette,  
Drawception, Knock-Offs, and more I forget.  
We have Drawfee Beans daily released on Facebook,  
And Morning Drawfee whenever it's out is worth a good look.

We also all have podcasts like _Caught in the Web_  
Where Willie and guests talk about topics in his head.  
Caldwell and Nathan have _What Should We Draw?_ _  
_ While Holden and I do Wizard and the Bruiser.

There’s Twitch streams on Sundays and merch on Teepublic too.  
Check out our subreddit and Discord, they’re new!  
On Twitter we all have our original handles,  
We mainly like satire and some comic book panels.

That’s it for intros and promos and stuff.  
I think all this info can be a bit much.  
So thank god or porfo because as for part one,  
I can say with a smile “for now kids we’re done.”


	2. The First Video

Ya boy Jake is back and man am I high!   
Because I’m sat on a cloud as I read from the sky...   
So make sure you're comfy you dear listening child   
As we go back in time to before things got so wild. 

Welcome to Drawfee episode one:   
The video where all the shenanigans begun.   
It’s February seventeenth back in twenty-fourteen.   
The video?  _ Sexy Furniture _ \- my how obscene!

This isn’t really the first Drawfee episode though!   
It started on Facebook just so you know.   
But YouTube is where  Drawfee planted its roots   
So I say let's move on to enjoy all the hoots

Of laughter at jokes from this sexy couch   
Upon whose lady boobs I’d be happy to slouch.   
But not on the seat because that is her face   
And although quite kissable this is such a disgrace.

But what lore is behind the sofa of the night?   
The workings of Caldwell’s mind might give you a fright.   
That story with the Beauty and her boyfriend the Beast?   
Well on the Beast’s vile member this woman did feast.

When the spell hit the castle she turned in to a couch   
But not in entirety or so some will vouch.   
A head as a sofa and a womanly body,   
Bikini clothes only as she’s such a hottie.

But enough on Caldwell’s drawing, it’s now Nathan’s turn!  
For sharing is caring as children do learn.  
(Also that's kind of a rule for the show,  
After the first drawing the others try taking a go.)  


This missy’s back story is far more mysterious   
For back then Nathan was still as comedic but slightly more serious.   
By looking at this chair, well what can we tell?   
Well for starters her looks are making me swell

With pride of this drawing, seductive and sweet,   
Her expression so tender that you could practically eat   
It is as long as you take special good care   
To ignore her t-rex arms; just sniff her blonde hair.

One tiny new detail we most certainly know   
Was left on a label by someone quite long ago:   
“This chair is for pleasure, for sitting it's not”   
Which makes this Victorian seat so incredibly hot.

Despite their shy eyes and their saucy good looks   
These ladies won’t show up in your fairytale books.   
But that video’s over! It’s all in the past!   
Less than half a mil views so give it a pass!

The next story is the one you really all want   
The one this dumb author didn’t put it the front!   
So keep listening children as it’s about to begin:   
The good bed time story of Porfo’s origin...


	3. Porfo (I)

Hey guys, it’s Jacob here. This chapter or self-contained story or whatever _would_ have been written and read by Jake but a) right now he is BAKE-ing some brownies; and b) I’m kind of the world’s leading Porfologist (like I got the call and studied it for twelve years so I know my shit) so, yeah, it _is_ kind of my sacred duty to translate all of my Porfo-knowledge into a bedtime story that you may terrify your children. Especially the little ones. They’re going to have nightmares for days. Maybe.

Anyway, like, don't get me wrong. Jake is great and the omnipresent thing is really cool but he just doesn't _know_ the Lorfo like I do. He is a lot better at rhyming though. There he has me beat. I was going to come in with like a super cool rap, I guess? But I just couldn’t make the rhymes or the rhythm work so in the end I decided to fuck it and just do a traditional fairytale type thing.

Anyway, I’m rambling so let’s just get on with it.

_Ahem._

 

Once upon a time there was a man with a huge chin and a   
pair of glasses named Caldwell. Caldwell was a good draw   
boy with great ideas and artistic ability. You could give him   
any prompt and he would draw something fun and interesting   
to look at.

On day, a long time ago, Caldwell, ever the debonair, had a   
long and passionate night with a being known only as The   
Porfomother. It was messy and beautiful and from their love   
Porfo was created. But Porfo was born with a hunger than   
nothing could satisfy. For a while he grew up with his family   
and adopted Porfather but quicklyhe grew too strong and   
was sealed away in a tomb for a thousand years.

Years later, Caldwell was playing Apples-to-Apples as part of a   
drawing game with his friends. In the fifth round he drew an   
inspirational boyband called The Favebois, whose members   
were Dave, Zave, Trave, and Porfo. Although he didn’t realize   
it, by drawing Porfo Caldwell created the first Porfecy and the   
predicted events came to pass.

A trio or archeologists with a passion for singing were out on   
expedition when they came across Porfo’s tomb. Inside Porfo   
hadn’t aged a day because unlike us mere mortals he lives   
outside of the laws of time. Amazed by their discovery, this trio   
took Porfo in and made him one of their own.

It turned out that Porfo had a baritone so sweet to their ears that   
they couldn’t help but form a boyband and called themselves The   
Favbois. Out of all of them Porfo was the most special, the most   
different, and the most powerful.They used that to their advantage   
in climbing to the top, threatening to feed anyone who stood in   
their way to Porfo.

This faith in Porfo would be their doom.

For you see, that delightful looking Porf was not the   
sweet celebrity everyone wanted him to be. He was   
a divine being, already a thousand years old and   
considered to be a immortal. Porfo does not conform   
to the rules of life as he himself lives outside of time.   
None of the rules apply to him. He is never cold, he   
doesn't age, and most importantly, his tummy can't   
ever be full which is why he is always so desperately   
hungry.

In fact, Porfo was so hungry that he began by eating   
all the food on the Favebois’ tour bus. But that wasn't   
enough. Then he started to crave human flesh and   
began to devour his fans after shows. But that wasn't   
enough! Finally, Porfo ate the rest of the Favebois   
but that definitely wasn't enough!

Porfo found himself hungry and alone after consuming   
his friends. It was then decided not only to take over the   
world, but to consume the world. He was just too hungry   
to do anything else! In the glory of his new Porf-gieme   
nobody was safe.

 

And that’s where we’re at, thriving but dying under Porfo’s reign. There’s no happy ending to this story kiddos. Just an easy-to-swallow history lesson. Unless a hero comes along to save us then the world will be devoured by Porfo. At least I’ll be eaten last as a reward for spreading His word.

_Sigh_.

I’ll bring Jake back to lighten the mood a bit with some more rhymes. See you at Porfmas everybody.


End file.
